The Truthful and Probably TMI Explanation of Why SaB Hasn’t Updated
So, it’s been a while, and I owe everybody an explanation.
But first and foremost, before putting the rest of this under a spoiler tag, NO, I HAVE NOT ABANDONED SAB. Just getting that out of the way right now.
Explanation and information after the “Read More”:
So, for those of you who were keeping track a while back, you might remember that all this lack-of-update hoopla started when my father passed away almost two years ago.
Admittedly, things haven’t been quite the same for me since then. No, I’m not depressed, per se, but I did notice a steady decline in my productivity not only in SaB pages, but in other endeavors both online and off, since then. This has actually caused me a lot of grief - I’m admittedly a pretty insecure person, and more than anything, I beat myself up (metaphorically) over not getting pages out, over not being able to match the level of output I was before and, most of all, over not immediately meeting my own standards that I placed when I started SaB - that is, to eventually finish it (and in a timely manner if I could help it).
And it’s not like I didn’t have enough time physically to work on SaB. But I couldn’t bring myself to work on SaB in particular, or Hinawa Story, or anything long-term. Similarly, I suffered quite a bit academically in the last year as it became easier and easier for me to fall into bouts of lethargy.
And then, this last summer, I was diagnosed with adult ADD (which apparently can feed mild depressive tendencies. Huh). It’s kind of bizarre, thinking about it now.
After a few months on medication, I can safely say that while I have not become a bastion of productivity, I at least don’t beat myself up (again, metaphorically) over not updating a comic, which is nice, really, because that was one of the main problems I was having. Though I still find myself having motivational issues, not being filled with existential angst is the first step, I guess? (And a new year of classes means a new year to, well, not screw myself over, which again is nice.)
I know this is a rather personal thing to post on the internet for all to see. Believe me, I’ve worried about this a lot - what if I was misdiagnosed, and this is just my personality, and I just made a fool of myself? What if my readers are unable to separate SaB from what I’ve just shared, and it ruins the story for them, or what if they don’t want to read it anymore because I’ve been too forward about sharing information that is generally kept with some level of privacy?
…You know, stuff like that. But I feel like I owe all of you an explanation, and not just writing it off with “I’ve been busy” or “Stuff has happened” because honestly neither of those really explain anything at all. Even now I’m not quite sure how to explain what I’m feeling, how to say how I can work on doodle after doodle but not put out another page of the story that I honestly still love and want to complete. I still don’t even know how exactly to explain it to myself.
But I suppose admitting it is a start.
So anyway, now that that’s off my chest, in regards to SaB updates:
I’m not going to put out a formal update schedule. I’m not gonna say that SaB will update weekly or monthly or even yearly, because I honestly can’t say when I’ll update. I guess the closest thing I can think of is how Kenisu handles updates of his Mother comic (as far as I can tell? I might have this totally wrong, actually) - there’s no hiatus, but there’s no set schedule, and the updates just sort of happen. I do, however, promise that I will try to make an effort to release pages. I dare not say “as often as I can,” but I’ll try.
(Maybe there’ll even be periods of time where it seems like there’s actually semi-regular updates, but no guarantees. I really haven’t thought that far ahead. But if I hit a motivational spurt I’ll try to roll with it; that’d actually be really cool.)
I can’t reiterate enough how much I still love Sunflower and Blade, and the Mother games and fandom. People have been so supportive of SaB through both its triumphs and slumps, and I have so much more planned.
So to all my readers, and to myself, I can promise this: I will finish SaB. It may take years and years (well, judging by how many pages are out now and how much more there is planned to the story, it will take years and years), but SaB will never be cancelled. Even if it takes far, far longer than planned, it will someday be complete.
And I can honestly say that I look forward to making it there.
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